Article 120: Marital life is one of tranquillity; and the couple should live together as companions. The guardianship (Qawwamah) of the husband over the wife is a guardianship of care and not ruling. It has been made obligatory for her to obey him, and obligatory upon him to financially support her according to the expected standard of living of one like her.
The evidences for this article are the words of Allah (swt)
((هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا}
“It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her.” (TMQ 7:189), and His (swt) words
((وَمِنْ آَيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً))
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.” (TMQ 30:21), andliving here means contentment. The words of Allah (swt)
((وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ}
“And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.” (TMQ 2:228), and Ibn ‘Abbas said “They have the right of good companionship, and being taken care of, in the same way that they are to be obedient according to what has been obligated over them with respect to their husbands” as mentioned by Al-Qurtubi in his Tafsir. And His (swt) words
“And live with them on a footing of kindness and equity.” (TMQ 4:19), and the living (‘ishrah) is the mixing and blending. It is narrated from Jaber that the Messenger of Allah said in his address in the farewell pilgrimage
«فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ فِي النِّسَاءِ فَإِنَّكُمْ أَخَذْتُمُوهُنَّ بِأَمَانِ اللَّهِ وَاسْـتَحْلَلْـتُمْ فُرُوجَهُنَّ بِكَلِمَةِ اللَّهِ»
“Fear Allah with respect to the women, since you took them as a trust with Allah, and you made them permissible to yourselves with the Word of Allah” (reported by Muslim). And it is narrated that he said
«خَـيْرُكُمْ خَـيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَـيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي»
“The best of you are the best of you towards their wives, and I am the best of you to my wife”, reported by Al-Tirmidhi from 'Aisha (ra), and he considered it Hasan Sahih Gharib, and Ibn Hibban, and Al-Hakim who authenticated it. And he said
«وَخِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ»
“The best of you are the best of you towards their wives”,reported by Al-Tirmidhi from Abu Hurayrah and he said it was Hasan Sahih.And he used to have a good close relationship with his family - playing with his wives, acting kindly towards them and joking with them. If he had prayed the isha prayer, and entered his house, he would chat with his wife a little before sleeping and make her feel close in that way. All of these evidences indicate that the marital life is one of tranquillity and that the husband must do whatever is required to make the marital life tranquil. It is narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas that he used to say “I beautify myself for my woman, in the same way she beautifies herself for me. I love to take every right I have upon her cleanly, which means her rights over me are obligatory, since Allah (swt) said
((وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ))
“And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.” (TMQ 2:227)” (reported by Al-Qurtubi in his Tafsir).
Though Allah (swt) has made the man guardian over the household, since He (swt) said
((الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ))
“Men are in charge of women.” (TMQ 4:34), this guardianship is a guardianship of care and not one of rule and authority. In the Al-Muhit dictionary it says “established … the man and the woman, and upon her, what he prohibited and he fulfils her issue”, which indicates that the meaning of the guardianship of man over woman from a linguistic point of view is to pay for her maintenance and carry out whatever she needs, and so this linguistic meaning is the meaning used in the verse since there is no Shari’ah meaning that has been related regarding it. Therefore, this is the meaning of “in charge of women”, and so it is necessary that the guardianship of the man over the woman is to fulfil her issues, and for his relationship with her to be the relationship of companionship, which is how Allah (swt) characterised it saying
“And his Sahibah” (TMQ 80:36), meaning his wife.
The Prophet used to be a companion to the wives in his household, and not as a leader dominating over them, and they used to consult him and discuss with him . It is narrated from Umar b. Al-Khattab (ra) that he said
"وَاللَّهِ إِنْ كُـنَّا فِي الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ مَا نَعُدُّ لِلنِّسَاءِ أَمْرًا حَـتَّى أَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِنَّ مَا أَنْزَلَ وَقَسَمَ لَهُنَّ مَا قَسَمَ، قَالَ: فَبَـيْـنَا أَنَا فِي أَمْرٍ أَتَأَمَّرُهُ إِذْ قَالَتِ امْرَأَتِي: لَوْ صَنَعْتَ كَذَا وَكَذَا، قَالَ: فَقُلْتُ لَهَا: مَا لَكِ وَلِمَا هَا هُنَا؟ وَفِيمَ تَكَلُّفُكِ فِي أَمْرٍ أُرِيدُهُ؟ فَقَالَتْ لِي: عَجَـبًا لَكَ يَا ابْنَ الْخَطَّابِ، مَا تُرِيدُ أَنْ تُرَاجَعَ أَنْتَ وَإِنَّ ابْـنَـتَكَ لَـتُرَاجِعُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ حَتَّى يَظَلَّ يَوْمَهُ غَضْـبَانَ، فَقَامَ عُمَرُ فَأَخَذَ رِدَاءَهُ مَكَانَهُ حَـتَّى دَخَلَ عَلَى حَفْصَةَ، فَقَالَ لَهَا: يَا بُـنَـيَّةُ، إِنَّكِ لَـتُرَاجِعِينَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ حَـتَّى يَظَلَّ يَوْمَهُ غَضْـبَانَ؟ فَقَالَتْ حَفْصَةُ: وَاللَّهِ إِنَّا لَـنُرَاجِعُهُ، فَقُلْتُ: تَعْلَمِينَ أَنِّي أُحَذِّرُكِ عُقُوبَةَ اللَّهِ وَغَضَبَ رَسُولِهِ"
“By Allah, in Jahiliyyah we never used to take account of our women in any issue, until Allah revealed whatever He has regarding them, and apportioned for them what has been apportioned, so while I was thinking over an issue my wife said to me: ‘If only you did such and such’. So I replied to her ‘What business is it of yours, and why are you talking about an issue that I am dealing with?’ Then she said to me: ‘How strange it is to you O Ibn Al-Khattab, that you don’t want anyone to answer you back, and your daughter answers back to the Messenger of Allah until he spends the whole day angry’. So Umar (ra) said “I gathered my cloak and left my place until I reached Hafsa, and I said to her: ‘O my daughter, you answer back to the Messenger of Allah until he spends his day angry?’ She replied: ‘By Allah, we do answer back to him’ Then I said ‘You know that I warn you about the punishment of Allah and the anger of His Messenger.” And it is narrated from Anas that he said
«أَهْدَتْ بَعْضُ أَزْوَاجِ النَّبِيِّ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ طَعَامًا فِي قَصْعَةٍ، فَضَرَبَتْ عَائِشَةُ الْقَصْعَةَ بِيَدِهَا فَأَلْقَتْ مَا فِيهَا، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ طَعَامٌ بِطَعَامٍ وَإِنَاءٌ بِإِنَاءٍ»
“I gave some of the wives of the Prophet food in a bowl, then 'Aisha knocked the bowl with her hand and so whatever was in it fell out, and the Prophet said ‘Food for food and container for container” (reported by Al-Tirmidhi and he said it is Hasan Sahih).
These narrations indicate that the guardianship of the Messenger over his wives was one of care and not one of rule, and so they were like companions to him and not subjects, as indicated by his relationship with them being one of companionship.
Allah (swt) has made it obligatory for the woman to obey her husband and has prohibited her from disobedience; He (swt) said
((تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا}
“But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance(ill-conduct) - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them .” (TMQ 4:34). And the husband has been obliged to pay for her maintenance; Allah (swt) said,
((لِيُنْفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِنْ سَعَتِهِ وَمَنْ قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنْفِقْ مِمَّا آَتَاهُ اللَّهُ}
“Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him.” (TMQ 65:7). The Prophet said
«أَلاَ إِنَّ لَكُمْ عَلَى نِسَائِكُمْ حَقًّا وَلِنِسَائِكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ حَقًّا، فَأَمَّا حَقُّكُمْ عَلَى نِسَائِكُمْ فَلاَ يُوطِئْنَ فُرُشَكُمْ مَنْ تَكْرَهُونَ، وَلا يَأْذَنَّ فِي بُيُوتِكُمْ لِمَنْ تَكْرَهُونَ، أَلا وَحَـقُّهُنَّ عَلَيْكُمْ أَنْ تُحْسِنُوا إِلَيْهِنَّ فِي كِسْوَتِهِنَّ وَطَعَامِهِنَّ»
“You have right over your women, and your women have right over you. As for your right over your women, they should not allow anyone you dislike to treat on your bedding (furniture), nor permit anyone you do not like into your home. Their right over you is to treat them will in clothing them and feeding them.” (reported by Al-Tirmidhi from Ibn Al-Ahwas from his father). In the narration of Muslim from Jabir:
«وَلَكُمْ عَلَيْهِنَّ أَنْ لاَ يُوطِئْنَ فُرُشَكُمْ أَحَدًا تَكْرَهُونَهُ ... وَلَهُنَّ عَلَيْكُمْ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ»
“you have right over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed (furniture) whom you do not like…Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing according to what is reasonable”, and it is narrated that Hind came to the Messenger of Allah and said:
«يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، إِنَّ أَبَا سُفْيَانَ رَجُلٌ شَحِيحٌ، وَلَيْسَ يُعْطِينِي مَا يَكْفِينِي وَوَلَدِي إِلاَّ مَا أَخَذْتُ مِنْهُ وَهُوَ لا يَعْلَمُ، فَقَالَ: خُذِي مَا يَكْفِيكِ وَوَلَدَكِ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ»
“O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man and doesn’t give me and my child adequate provisions for maintenance except what I take from him without his knowledge” and so he replied “Take whatever is sufficient for you and your child that is reasonable” (agreed upon narration from 'Aisha). Accordingly, these are the evidences for this article.